Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Miley and Me

My blogging life has had so many reincarnations, it might as well be Hindi.  Some of them have come back as a dung beetle...and rightfully so.

On my main one, Life Inside the Blubber Sarcophagus, I regaled the tales of a horrible childhood, a fat life, and my numerous attempts to change myself.  Nearly five years after it began...I am in the same physical space that I was when I started.  Obviously that wasn't working for me. 

I spent the last two days going over post after post and reading the words, "I'm baaaack", "Reboot, "starting over" or "Here we go again" more times than I cared to document.  The fact that I said it in so many different ways gives you the idea that it was obviously not a successful venture. 

So...I'm not starting over.  I'm starting anew.

It's been a crazy week.  If you count that whole Miley Cyrus thing, it's a sick, weird, child-star-turned-into-a-crazed-sex-demon week.  I can't remember one of those before.

Billy Ray's mullet is rolling over in it's grave, right?

I can't lie.  I can't get it out of my head.  I wish I could.  I think I have finally and literally seen something that can not be unseen.  The end result ruined a perfectly good song for me and it ruined the ONLY perfectly good Robin Thicke song. Hey Hey Hey Hey!  (Come on...you were thinking it)

Plus, she single handedly destroyed the future of the foam finger industry, pigtails, and I know I'll never look at a teddy bear the same way again.

On the upside, with all that "twerking" she saved medical schools thousands on proctology industrial films.

I think I will begin the Great Miley Purge of 2013.

Remember when you were a kid and your parents found out that Smurfs meant "little blue demon" and you were forced to gather them all in the back yard and throw them in the fire? (Um...me either. :\